American Soccer Announces it Prefers to go by Futbol

In a very surprising and bold, but not the least bit passive aggressive way, it was announced tonight that Soccer prefers to go by Futbol, a name that the sport once wore proudly. The American Professional Football Association was founded in 1920 and two years later became known as the NFL. Without even reasoning, the overly arrogant sport proclaimed itself Football.

“It was like a girl whose at prom for an hour in a beautiful yellow dress with matching shoes” began explaining the definitely not gay MLS spokesperson “and then another girl shoes up wearing the same thing and everyone thinks that she wears them better, so naturally the first girl has to go change”.

A person with chest hair explained that he believed the non-gay spokesperson was explaining that American Football was far more popular than Soccer, so Soccer was forced to change it’s name. The man with chest hair would neither deny or confirm reports that the MLS spokesperson was describing an experience that he had at his high school prom. Chest-Hair man did however nod his head yes while saying that he had no comment.

“It’s funny really. In the sport today known as Football, the players rarely use their feet. The game should be known as pass ball, or tackle ball, or angry people ball”, joked the man with chest hair as he snorted, revealing his character flaw leading to his association with Soccer.

Soccer has quietly accepted it’s new name for 80 years but behind the good-looking and incredibly over rated insistence of David Beckham, the sport decided to speak up this year.

“Americans have long overlooked the feelings of the sport and ignored the fact that the sport known as soccer much prefers to go by Futbol. I think people should respect that”, said Mr Beckham as he sneezed into a $20 bill. “The game which I love to look handsome sitting on the bench injured much prefers to go by Futbol and I expect people to respect that.”

The one reporter who went to hear the urgent message of the sport formerly known as Soccer asked how this change may affect the way that the sport is followed in the United States.

“We hope that between the excitement of change, and the confusion of having two sports with the same name, the sport of ‘Futbol’ can double, or even triple it’s fan base” said a man associated with the league who refused to give his name or position because he cared too much about his reputation.

“The league is trying to not get overly excited by the sports new name, and new found confidence, but we can’t help but to think about having a fan base numbering triple digits in the US starting next year. Hey, a guy can dream cant he?”

Andrew M. Steinbach©2012